The Butterfly
by charmed-sword
Summary: It is 1868. Souji is delirious. Or is he?


_Disclaimer: Nanae Chrono owns Peacemaker Kurogane. And this came from some very weird thoughts.. lol. _

**The Butterfly **

Souji pauses.

He teeters, watching the butterfly flutter in front of him. He is distracted.

From what?

Ah.

He is heading to Shinsengumi Headquarters, he is going to help them win the war. He is _supposed_ to help them win! They can't do it without him. They need him-- Hijikata needs him. He has to be there. He is a samurai, he keeps his promises to his comrades.

Souji looks at the gates looming in front of him. Were they always so tall? He is tired, and he has barely taken three steps. There is blood on the edge of his lips, and he makes no move to wipe it away. He has more important things to concentrate on, and concentrating is hard enough.

But how is he going to get to Kyoto?

The insect hovers closer.

"Out of my way," he whispers, throat wet. "I need to get to a war."

The butterfly mocks him, does not move. It continues to circle in front of him, and in despair, he holds his head, the world is spinning. "Stop," he begs, voice barely audible. He reaches out with a thin hand to bat it out of the way, but his hand does not comply. There is not enough energy in him.

Souji stares at the beating brown and yellow wings, and for a moment, time seems to stop.

"No," he whispers, eyes widening in fear. But it happens anyway.

_Flash! _He is a boy, laughing as he chases away a butterfly. One day later, his mother lies cold, dead. His sister is crying. Strong hands grip his shoulders and lead him out. _Flash! _He is nine years old. A butterfly lands on the blade he is inspecting. He giggles, then looking up, quickly stops. Hijikata enters, annoyed. "Hey brat, what are you doing with that sword!" One day later, he polishes the blade. It belongs to him now. _Flash! _A butterfly on his nose, at night. He laughs, "Kondo-san, I think it's in love with me!" One day later, a ronin dead before him, a gash in his chest, his first kill. He pukes.

"Souji-kun."

He laughs, sudden and desperate. "Funny," he murmurs, mouth still curved in a smile as he brings his face closer towards the insect.

Time is back in motion. He can hear another step behind him. The intruding voice is laced with worry. Why is the voice here? He hasn't heard it for a long time...has it been a month already?

The voice should be in Kyoto.

"You weren't in your room. You should be in bed, why are you out here?"

The voice sounds agitated. He can feel a strong hand on his shoulder. Souji spins around, out of instinct. Too quick. He coughs violently. Heavy. A ball lodged in his throat. Why won't it come out? Maybe if he coughs some more. He bends over, gasping for breath. Blood lands on the ground. Drip, drip. Bad idea, can't breathe...

"Souji!"

He pushes away the hands trying to help. "Leave me be!" he tries to shout, but his voice is muffled by blood, his throat gurgles. The butterfly is not gone. Still it's there. He grins, wide, teeth stained red. He has received the message.

"Let me help you to your room, _please_..."

Kondo-san shouldn't be here, he thinks. He is supposed to be somewhere else.

Where?

With Hijikata-san. Where is Hijikata-san? There is a fresh ache in his chest. Hijikata-san has no time for him anymore. There is a war...He had guns, Souji remembers. He's busy trying to win the war. Of course. He just doesn't have the time. He's doing his duty.

"Are you listening to me, Souji?"

His eyes are still fixed on the butterfly, yet not focused enough, and unsettling to look at. Then, in a blink, the butterfly disappears. Souji sees black out of the corner of his eye. He tilts his head to the side as he glances at the cat purring in the tree.

"You were not the first!" he calls out, giggling.

"The first what?"

"I wasn't talking to you, Kondo-san."

He turns around at last. His legs are heavy. He needs to lie down.

"Who were you talking to then? There is no one else here, Souji."

Why does Kondo-san sound so anguished? Souji sees the face of his mother. Why had _she_ been so upset? He had smiled for her hadn't he? Why then, the tears?

"It was always the butterfly," says Souji in a whisper.

He is being steered back to his room, he doesn't protest. He falls into the strong familiar arms. They had once held him as a boy. What had happened? He'd been smacked. He'd forgotten to wash something. Kondo had gotten smacked too. He smiles faintly, and buries his head in the fabric of Kondo's gi.

At least he is here. Someone he knows. Someone who cares about him. Enough to visit him.

Souji releases his grip reluctantly as he is bundled into his futon, feeling another blanket thrown on top of him. He feels Kondou's cool hand on his forehead and shivers. "It was always the butterfly," he continues to say. "I was wrong to think it was the cat."

Kondo strokes his lifeless hair. Souji closes his eyes. It feels so nice, to have someone in his room. It got so lonely. Not even the young miss came to his bedside. He was sick, he was dirty, after all. He was carrying death inside him...

"You'll die if you breathe my air," he warns his friend. His brother, his comrade in arms.

Kondo laughs, half heartedly. "I'll die anyway."

His voice is strange, tighter, as though his lips are trying to hold back the emotion. Souji listens in wonder. His old Commander is holding his hand now. A part of him wants to say how happy he is. How touched he is, that Kondou came all the way here to see him. But he can't. Is he scared of crying?

"It's peaceful here in Edo. That's why we couldn't have you in Kyoto, you understand don't you? You need your rest now." His voice breaks.

Eternally, thinks Souji, smiling inside.

"Thank you for everything," he manages to say. He coughs, another mouthful of copper. "But you shouldn't have risked coming here."

"I'll come again," Kondo promises, squeezing his hand. "I'll come again with Toshi."

Too late, thinks Souji sadly, and he answers, "I'll be dead tomorrow."

Then, not wanting those to be his last words, he adds, "The butterfly is the one that knows. Remember that Kondo-san...be sure to correct them."

Souji sinks back on his futon, and closes his eyes. Had he more energy, he would try to explain it to his old friend. How the cat was an imposter. How he was not afraid, not anymore. How the butterfly had always been the omen...and Souji would kill the cat tomorrow. He still had his sword...it was here somewhere...

Souji turns his head and blinks at Kondo, who is looking at him with so much sadness in his eyes.

"I am not delirious."

"Goodbye, Souji." Kondo kisses him on the head. He squeezes his hand one more time, then gets up. He walks towards the shoji without looking back.

He doesn't want to cry in front of me, thinks Souji. He knows he should say something. He should ask about the war. Ask if they are winning. Ask about Tetsu-kun, about Hijikata, about Saitou...But instead, he wonders if Kondo will remember what he said. Hadn't he made himself clear?

"I am not delirious!" he repeats, straining his voice so he can be heard.

Kondo shuts the shoji quietly. Outside, he sees the fluttering of small wings, and feels time stop. Tears brim in his eyes.

"I know."

_FINIS_


End file.
